Almost...

Mother always says that "almost" only counts in horse-shoes and hand-grenades. 

Recently I watched "The Princess and the Frog" . One of my favorite songs is "Almost There". Tiana talks about being so close to fulfilling her dream. Later on she finds out that what she needs isn't the same as what she wants. She finds out what's important.

 

This morning I encountered a much sadder version of someone being "almost there".

Seminary is a place for enrichment and peace, if you let it. But it can't influence you if you miss it! To be in the parking lot, or wandering the halls, or hanging out in the bathroom are some of the worst ways to be so close and not be willing to make the commitment to go all the way. To see people that you know and love give up is depressing. Just being in the room is a better opportunity to feel peace in a small way. This is what you need, and it will help you find out what's important in your life. That's the only way you can eventually fulfill your dream, by doing what you need to do.

Lately I've noticed how amazing some people are, like suddenly I understand how much they do and I'm so proud of them. Today it was the opposite.

I blog infrequently. But sometimes I have something that I need to say that can't be said out loud. They will never read this, and they will never know that they're who I'm talking about. Which is good because I just want to forget it, but I can only do that if they start acting differently, and I'm not sure when or if they will. I hope none of you will be to stubborn to go all the way there, I hope you won't have to say "Almost".

This is One of Those Times

Able: having necessary power, skill, resources, or qualifications; qualified

Can: to have the power or means to do something

As you can see, these are two slightly different things. Just because you are ABLE to do something doesn't necessarily mean that you CAN do it. Sometimes thing are just not possible and sometimes things shouldn't be possible. We try do do everything and make everything possible, but sometimes it doesn't work like you want. Sometimes you can't. Sometimes you have to let go and move on. This is one of those times. 

I'll be OK...soon.

   Each  day happens once and so we're told to make the most of it.  At my house with my spectacular mother, hardly a moment is wasted. We are involved in anything and everything we can, but I found that you can't do EVERYTHING.

   Zions Youth Symphony and Chorus (formerly Las Vegas Mormon Youth Symphony and Chorus) fireside was on September 30th. There they gave us the music and I found my new friend Sariah was doing it, too. They wanted us to fill out a sheet saying when and which rehearsals we could go to. As this is Marching Band season, I waited to turn mine in until I knew if I had competitions on those weekends. It turned out that I had competitions on both Saturday practices, and they asked us not to miss more than two, so I said I would come to the other practices. I turned in that paper THAT NIGHT.

    The first three practices were last Thursday, Friday, and Saturday  I missed Christmas program rehearsal, part of my Band Practice, and the Sandstone Stake Youth Conference, so that I could go to two of those rehearsals.  When I got home on Friday Mom said she got an Email from Zion's Youth Saying that I could not participate because I was going to miss the "mandatory" practice this coming Saturday.  THis was after I had missed all of these things to be there. And they probably only realized it because Mom sent in another form saying when I could/could not come. She sent them an annoyed Email saying why I could still participate and heard no reply by Wednesday when we had another rehearsal. So I went.

    At least two-thirds into the rehearsal, during a short break Bro. J Skouson asks if Eliza Een is here, and he asked for me to come talk to him. Basically it seemed that the choir secretary didn't want to deal with Mom, so she had Jeff talk to me. When he confirmed that I could not (without inconveniencing my entire family and the band) come to Saturday's rehearsal, he said that he was sorry and that I couldn't participate. 

    I was angry and sad and I spent the rest of the rehearsal outside trying to calm down enough to go inside. When I saw people leaving I found Alayna and we drove home. I don't think it's fair to have such late notice or that I thought this was important enough to miss everything else. Mom lovingly thought of ways for me to be there, but I don't think it's worth it anymore. So here is a song that I love that can relate to this somewhat. 

Bluebird By Sara Bareilles

Word came through in a letter, 

One of us changing our minds.

You won't need to guess who, since I usually do

Not send letters to me that are mine.

Told you I saw this coming, 

That I'd practically packed up my things.

I was glad at the time that I'd said I was fine, but

All honesty knows I wasn't ready, no.

And so here we go bluebird, 

Back to the sky on your own.

Oh let it go bluebird, 

Ready to fly

You and I, 

Here we go.

The Devil Wears Prada

Watching this with my friend Emily (not to be confused with Alayna's friend Emily) for homecoming, I saw this and thought is was enlightening. If you ever feel like this, know it's normal. It may not make you feel better, but here it is.

Andy Sachs: She hates me, Nigel. 
Nigel: And that's my problem because... Oh, wait. No, it's not my problem. 
Andy Sachs: I don't know what else I can do because if I do something right, it's unacknowledged. She doesn't even say thank you. But if I do something wrong, she is vicious. 
Nigel: So quit. 
Andy Sachs: What? 
Nigel: Quit. 
Andy Sachs: Quit? 
Nigel: I can get another girl to take your job in five minutes... one who really wants it. 
Andy Sachs: No, I don't want to quit. That's not fair. But, I, you know, I'm just saying that I would just like a little credit... for the fact that I'm killing myself trying. 
Nigel: Andy, be serious. You are not trying. You are whining. What is it that you want me to say to you, huh? Do you want me to say, "Poor you. Miranda's picking on you. Poor you. Poor Andy"? Hmm? Wake up, six. She's just doing her job. Don't you know that you are working at the place that published some of the greatest artists of the century? Halston, Lagerfeld, de la Renta. And what they did, what they created was greater than art because you live your life in it. Well, not you, obviously, but some people. You think this is just a magazine, hmm? This is not just a magazine. This is a shining beacon of hope for... oh, I don't know... let's say a young boy growing up in Rhode Island with six brothers pretending to go to soccer practice when he was really going to sewing class and reading Runway under the covers at night with a flashlight. You have no idea how many legends have walked these halls. And what's worse, you don't care. Because this place, where so many people would die to work you only deign to work. And you want to know why she doesn't kiss you on the forehead and give you a gold star on your homework at the end of the day. Wake up, sweetheart. 

I like this movie, a lot.

...and I've only been at school for a few days.

So far I have had to make up 7 homework assignments...and I've only missed school for a few days.
I have made up a test... and I've only missed school for a few days.
I haven't gotten more than seven hours of sleep on a school night...and I've only been at school for a few days.
I met five new percussionists...and I've only been at school for a few days.
I kinda sorta (ok, so really) got asked to Homecoming...and I've only been at school for a few days.
Story Time!
After band practice on Tuesday Mom was talking about fundraisers, etc. with the other "Band Moms" (aka Percussion Moms). They want to arrange for teachers to be thrown into "Jail" for Homecoming.  Sammee's mom asked if I was going, and I said no. The percussionists do everything together. They do stuff for Homecoming, so she thought I should go.
The next day, at the end of class, Fox (yes, his name is Fox) asks me if I wanted to go with him and the Percussion Group for Homecoming. His mom was the other Band Mom. Of course at the time I had told the Moms that I couldn't date until I was 16, but....?
It was really nice and sweet and not awkward because we're friends, but I had to say no. And I didn't really want to got to Homecoming anyway.

Did I mention that Homecoming "A Pixar Perfect Night" isn't until October 5th? Cause it's true.

This is what happens if you miss the first four days of school. At least if you're me.

The front door is going . . . going . . . GONE!

The original outside door and sidelights are already removed.

 

 

Kim in his "Sampson pose" pushing out the pillars.

Doorway gone, side wall still solid.

The "pony wall" (why is it called that) created.

The new entry area.  The beam above the old doorway was removed, but fear not--the wood is being re-used to widen out the "column" at the base of the stairs.  Waste not, want not . . . why would we not use a perfectly good piece of wood?

      The major work upstairs is done.  There is still a lot to do there, to be sure . . . but it's time to turn our attention to the downstairs.  Especially since we needed to have some activity on our building permit and go for at least a partial pass on the building inspection and thereby updating our building permit, BARELY within the 180 day requirement.
      We put in new sheetrock spanning the old to newer areas.  The old sheetrock was buckling right at the wall where the door was and had holes from the old heat vent--and having been stepped through I believe.  Apparently I haven't taken a picture of that yet.  Since we were up until 3:30 AM putting up that piece of sheetrock on the ceiling you may understand why it slipped my mind to capture the moment in a photograph.  But there is more (not all) of the sheetrock done on the ceiling here.
     Interesting to note on the timing of the Tuesday/Wednesday 3:30 AM sheetrock fest . . . . it was the night AFTER Kim called in for an inspection.  They didn't come Tuesday (at 180 days) so we knew they'd be there the next day.   On Wednesday the inspector was willing to give a partial pass for a wall that he figured was actually done. I think he had to look to find one.  I knew we wouldn't get it all done--even staying up all night--but I guess having at least some of the ceiling sheetrock up showed more progress.  It at least showed good intentions.

SUMMER Summer summer

Some funny/cool entries in my English journal. My interpretations.

"Personal Page" from my Biology notebook.

Pretty much everything I've eaten in Geometry in the past two months.
  Compliments of  Sister Adams' seminary class.

Rough drawing from/for an Art project.

Butterfly from above, both sides, in my planner.

 Pictures, I'm new to this.

First, an explanation. Yesterday I went through my backpack/binder/school crap. Only now can I believe that school is almost over. The journal entries, if you can read them (you don't have to), one says something about cats and dogs and river streets and outer space. This had to do with several successive prompts we had over the course of a week or so.

I CAN draw! Not very well, hardly ever when I want to, and only if you tell me what to draw. Yes, I eat food in Geometry. It's not like I'm eating CEREAL! (<- different story). 

My Biology 'teacher' loves me (us, and she's a long-term sub. With a major in math. : /)

My English teacher hates me the Final had 200 questions and 2 essays. : P

My Geometry final I'm bound to fail, I take it on 6/6 (day of the DEVIL) 

I don't think there's even an exam for Band... :)

Dance, I'm pretty much set, I just don't want to go first.

Art. 3 essays (how do you even find 3 things to write about in art?)

Then, I'm DONE!!!!! :D

kind of ...

On the Stairway to Heaven

This morning I had the opportunity to talk with my friend and work colleague Phyllis Suiter.  Phyllis is a Nurse Practitioner.  I have known her for many years.  She is amazing professionally and personally.  I like her a lot.  Lately as I have been going to the gym in the early mornings I see her and we climb stairs together.  This morning we ended up talking about some of the "weightier matters" death, miracles, priesthood power, and Christ, our Savior and Redeemer.  Phyllis is not particularly active in any church, but has many beliefs and has experienced much in healing and at deaths.  She talked about such things and in very general ways about multiple ways people viewed Christ and belief in a "Higher Power".  I had the opportunity in different ways to bear my witness of what I KNOW of Christ, the Priesthood power, and the Atonement.  I felt to tell her of my experience just this week when I asked Kim to give me a blessing so that my mind could rest and not keep interrupting my sleep with my concerns about the swim team injustices . . . and how I have slept better and been able to have more peace regarding that topic since then.  (I can think about it without feeling my blood pressure rising, that is good.)  She reflected that it was like "releasing" or "giving it up" to a Higher Power.*  I was reminded again how that is made possible by Christ's Atonement.  It really brought that back to me at the truth of what I was telling her.  I recently posted for a friend on facebook regarding this:  Any negative vibes can really bring you down, but it doesn't need to--"give it up" to Christ. Let Him carry that burden--he already has. That's what The Atonement is for, too! It lets you be free of that pain and forgive. You have so many strengths and talents. You are loved by so many people, but most importantly by your Heavenly Father and OUR Big Brother, Jesus Christ!

I am so blessed and I know it!

*As a side note--yes, but it was really only by the Priesthood blessing that I was able to have that burden lifted.

Awesome April

I had a wonderful and eventful April.  I always like April, but this one in particular.  This month flowed from event to event, some planned, some not.  All worth thoughtful consideration.

General Conference--always wonderful & inspirational

The week after General Conference I learned that "favorite cousin" Ann Tate Alger had pulmonary embolism with clots thrown into her brain and that she was not expected to live.  The funeral was Wednesday, April 11.  I was able to cancel my work clinic (no one scheduled anyway) to go.  I took a Greyhound bus (which WAS an adventure).  I wanted to be there to celebrate the life our our dear cousin and to see cousins and aunts and uncles that I haven't seen in many years and I know I may not see again.  Plus--visit my Mom--near her 84th birthday (April 13) and my siblings Melissa & Ron and Paul & Doris. I was able to go to Malad, Idaho and see sites there--who knows when or if I will go there again.  Ann was buried right next to Grandma and Grandpa Burton.  Her sweet family was there all around as was many others of our family.  What a wonderful, caring example Ann is.  And always so much fun.  Her way of telling her kids to take care and be careful was, "Drive fast, take chances, and run with scissors!"  Ann made our wedding cake.  It makes me sad to think she wasn't able to make the wedding cake for any of her 3 children.

We planned for David to be ordained a Deacon in the Aaronic Priesthood and for our little Melissa's baptism to be delayed a bit so Aria could be here during a break in school.  That followed on the tails of my return from the trip to Utah/Idaho for Ann's funeral.  Aria arrived Saturday night, David was ordained Sunday, April 15 before church and then passed the sacrament for the first time that day.  Melissa's baptism was Thursday night.  We wanted to do baptisms for the dead while Aria was home and since David now could and the only time we could schedule that was Thursday afternoon.  So Thursday Kim was able to baptize ALL of our children.  Alyssa Heyborne came from out of town to celebrate with us and went to the temple as well.  David was baptized vicariously for his Great-Uncle "Bud" Clarence Een.  All of our children in/at the temple.  Melissa waited in the atrium area, I stayed with her much of the time, but went in to see David baptized and some of the girls.  We went almost directly to Melissa's baptism.  She was supported by many family and friends--even our neighbor Kathy Pouncey came.  That's the only baptism she has attended.

We made a quick trip up April 28 for my nephew Eric Hilton's marriage to Jessica Cook.  All of my siblings were there!  David and Lara flew in--although not with any of their family.  All of my siblings were together with our Mom in the temple.  It was great!  It was a necessarily quick trip, but again worth supporting the new couple and a great time to be together.  I'll have to try and remember the last time all 6 of my siblings were together and who knows when we will all be together again--David and his family aren't coming to the family reunion this summer--even though Lara and her family are.

So many rights of passages--all in one month . . . Baptism (both live and vicarious)--entering on the path; Priesthood Ordination--MY only begotten son joins the ranks of The Priesthood, the power that makes the ordinances and so much else possible; Eternal Marriage--the start of a new family; and Death--the loss of beloved family that reminds us of the importance of all of the above and the promise of a glorious eternity together.

Definitely an April to remember fondly!

Just When I Need It

Last Monday (was Melissa's birthday) I had homework, Band, Swimming, etc. That all needed a lot of time, which I was quickly running short of. Then I went to school and found out that Pep Band was playing for Garside's last Home Game. It started at 3:45, during swim practice. Since I was sick and Band counted as a "school-excused absence" I didn't go. PERFECT!!! And now today is David's birthday. I have Band, Homework, Swimming, etc. OH WAIT! Swim practice is canceled because of a coaches Emergency. Our poor coach (don't know which) just made my life sooooo much easier. I love life, and life loves me a little, too.
No Grrrs today!
Eliza